So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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