i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize