i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
