Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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