Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
