Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Your dad touched me again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize