I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
