he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
