you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work