Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"