Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.