I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
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i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
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I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it