im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.