I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(