funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?