Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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