It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dating After Heartbreak
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.