My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.