I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?