everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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