I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
