I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I need help removing her.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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