just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
