Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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