Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
