I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
