I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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