I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize