Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk

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  (845): I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk http://tfl.nu/2s8p
  Replies (13) Good night (772) Bad night (3827) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.

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  (805): I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense. http://tfl.nu/syxd
  Replies (27) Good night (6899) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.

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  (561): My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist. http://tfl.nu/h6i5
  Replies (39) Good night (5261) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement

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  (973): so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement http://tfl.nu/oky4
  Replies (12) Good night (4684) Bad night (1343) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line

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  (203): Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line http://tfl.nu/4rr4
  Replies (11) Good night (1458) Bad night (4986) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.

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  (913): Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount. http://tfl.nu/7zsg
  Replies (21) Good night (6413) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.

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  (517): Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops. http://tfl.nu/nf4z
  Replies (9) Good night (4130) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?

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  (303): If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made? http://tfl.nu/goen
  Replies (46) Good night (947) Bad night (16046) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?

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  (734): Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life? http://tfl.nu/8b6j
  Replies (20) Good night (4228) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I drank myself into bisexuality again.

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  (314): I drank myself into bisexuality again. http://tfl.nu/eg45
  Replies (16) Good night (6013) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.

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  (403): also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy. http://tfl.nu/tn0z
  Replies (15) Good night (3624) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw

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  (619): I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw http://tfl.nu/yk6h
  Replies (11) Good night (816) Bad night (1765) Order T-Shirt
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.

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  (641): I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change. http://tfl.nu/5jew
  Replies (2) Good night (897) Bad night (349)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.

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  (615): Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly. http://tfl.nu/1cg3
  Replies (1) Good night (399) Bad night (229)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.

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  (607): I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability. http://tfl.nu/69z6
  Replies (3) Good night (385) Bad night (297) Order T-Shirt

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