Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
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sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000