I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.