It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"