We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
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Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.