The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.