I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
