So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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