I can text with my tongue
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.