i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?