pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
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I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...