You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.