he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
someone threw a dead crab at me
you didnt know i had herpes?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
