4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb