I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Banned from zoo.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger