Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe