saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night