the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
