i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
