Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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