she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
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my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.