guess who came home with a hottie last night
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
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I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.