Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
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How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.