i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
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