id be glad to
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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