I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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