they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i think i have two assholes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
