there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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