a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
