So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
