If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love