WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks