I think I died a long time ago.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.