I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize