He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
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I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.