I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.