I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA