Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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