I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
