I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
