The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to choose: penises or morals?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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