You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
