just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
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She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
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Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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