I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize