I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
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He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
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Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just want to make out with him forever
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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