I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
