I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
